Teamwork Makes the Dream Work | How to shift from ME to WE

Teamwork makes the dream work! 

You are probably well aware of the times in your relationship when you feel like you are on the same “team.” You can see eye to eye on decisions, and even in disagreements, you are both able to find a middle ground.

However, sometimes throughout the life-cycle of relationships we withhold grace and understanding. Our selfish nature kicks in and we start to see the world through our ME lens.  We when are thinking of ME first we find ourselves more apt to defend our side of an argument, and rather than finding compromise we point out the flaws in the others person.

The truth is that marriage is a team sport...It is supposed to be seen and lived out with a WE lens.  The more that you are able to strategize together, see value in your differences rather than defending your own position, the better you'll be at resolving conflicts. Will you disagree...absolutely!!!!  Most of us argue with ourselves. Wouldn’t you think that we might also then struggle to agree with another human?!?!?

The keys to shifting our lens from ME to We are: 

• SUPER POWERS & KRYPTONITE: Knowing and regularly discussing each others differences, strengths, and weaknesses.  We always find it's easier to talk about strengths and weaknesses if we think of them as super powers and kryptonite.  We can more easily lean on each other's super powers and avoid the things that cause us to fail like kryptonite.
• VENT vs FIX: Communication is an obvious key to a successful WE-centered relationship.  We have found that giving each other a heads up on whether we are venting or looking for a solution can help the listener both listen better, but respond accordingly. if the speaking spouse doesn't give the listening spouse a heads up, you can always ask, "Is this a vent or fix convo?"
• CURIOSITY vs CRITICISM: Any time our differences show up in the same space, the ME lens typically leans toward criticism because the ME lens is intended to find similarity and believes that same is good.  However, curiosity is the hallmark of the WE lens.  WE is always looking for ways to explore, enjoy, and benefit from our collective differences.  

Navigating marriage with the WE lens changes everything.  To be fair, it's natural to have to be intentional about taking off our ME lens.  In marriage, we have to choose to put on the WE lens when we want to see a bigger picture. 

Going into issues with a team (WE) mindset is the healthiest way to approach conflict, because after all… your marriage is the most important team you will ever be a part of! For some reason we understand that each player on a team has different roles, strengths, and weaknesses: we don't want 2 quarterbacks.  But in marriage we don't as easily see our differences as ingredients to a winning team.

The best thing you can do for your marriage is to invest in and practice being on the same team, play to your strengths, be sure you are running the same play, and understand what winning looks like. 

We exist to coach couples to be better teammates. If you need a little more help adopting a WE mindset? Get started with one of our marriage programs today to get on the same page and win more often together.