3 Tips for Managing Mental Health in a Marriage

3 Tips for Managing Mental Health in a Marriage Featuring: Jan Talen from "Us and Kids"

TMM is excited to feature "Us and Kids", a platform designed to help relationships last forever while parenting together. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Jan Talen started Us and Kids with a goal in mind to use her experience and knowledge to teach, encourage and support parents and families.

Jan is always one of our go-to wise sages for direction on therapy.  Recently we have had several people reach out with questions about handling mental health in their marriage so naturally, we reached out to Jan to weigh in on the important topic.

1. Get educated

It is important for the supporting spouse to learn about their partner's diagnosis, medications, and protocol for managing and supporting the healing process.  This is similar to what you would do if your spouse had diabetes or a heart condition. No shame - just information. There are plenty of books out there that discuss marriage with a spouse with different mental health issues, as well as other professional resources online. Use them. 

2. Work to keep your spouse in therapy long-term.

This holds them steady and helps them heal. Yes, people working with a mental illness can (and do) heal, with consistent support. The brain and hormones want to do one thing (usually based on past trauma) while they know in their heads they have to move to a more "adult/normal" way of being. However, they are often so scared and unsure, that the consistent support, affirmation, and directions from a long-term therapist will slowly turn the ship into healthier waters. Now, KEEP meeting with the therapist (1-2 times per month) to keep the ship in the right direction. How you support someone with depression, could be quite different than how you support someone with schizoid affective disorder, bipolar, or narcissism. Thus, the importance of a therapist and learning about the diagnosis.  

3. Have a therapist yourself.

Being intimately involved with mental illness support often creates secondary trauma for you, because of the fair amount of caregiving you probably offer.  Get some support from someone you can be brutally honest with, without repercussions. There are a number of websites that can be used for finding a therapist (goodtherapy.org, psychologytoday.com, therapistlocator.net, etc.) These require the therapists to answer questions about themselves, billing, and therapeutic approaches. Use the website to filter by zip code and start by noting 3-5 therapists that you liked on the site, then look up to see if they have a website. Be sure they will take/process your insurance if you are using it.  It often takes 3-5 tries before you find a therapist that "fits".  It is important not to over-read the reviews. The negative reviews are often written because the "fit" is not right.  No one's fault - just not the right fit. Unless, of course, you see an unethical or repeating negative comment. Work to find a therapist who is supportive and educational. This blend will give you confidence and courage to stay steady, wise, and available.  

We keep a long list of recommended therapists and regularly send people to Jan.  We desire to provide additional expert advice from industry experts in future blogs.  Feel free to reach out to us with any specific topics you want more information about.

Learn more about Jan and her marriage and parenting program "Us and Kids" here: Website,  Facebook, Podcast