The 3 Relationship Killers

What's killing your relationship?

Wouldn't it be nice to know what things might be destroying your marriage or what things to look out for and avoid so you don't train wreck your relationship?

The hard part is that relationship issues show up in so many different ways that it's hard to pinpoint what they are, and even more importantly how to fix them.  After 1000s of conversations with 100s of couples, we have identified that nearly all issues marriages face fall into 3 categories...Adversity, Incompatibility, and Deception. These are what we affectionately call RELATIONSHIP KILLERS.

We have discovered that it’s not ultimately the relationship killers that cause marriages to fall apart. All marriages face these relationship killers in some way or another; the problem is our beliefs and expectations about marriage. 

We hate to say it, but...FAIRYTALES ARE THE WORST. 

Stick with me here. Fairytales have set us up for failure because they have taught us that the ideal relationship doesn't ever experience relationship killers.  Fairytales have tricked us into believing 3 LIES about marriage that make us ill-equipped to face and overcome adversity, incompatibility, and deception.

There is GOOD NEWS. We have also identified the 3 MINDSET SHIFTS that help us overcome the lies we believe. Unfortunately, these shifts don’t just happen. But if you invest the time and effort in the right areas, you can experience deep meaning in your relationship.

⬇️ KEEP READING... ⬇️

Our goal in this blog is to not only unpack the 3 LIES many of us believe about marriage, but provide the 3 MINDSET SHIFTS as direct antidotes to overcoming the 3 RELATIONSHIP KILLERS. 

The 3 RELATIONSHIP KILLERS...

Deception. Incompatibility. Adversity.

Regardless of the biggest challenge facing your marriage, our research shows that almost all challenges can fall into one of 3 categories we call RELATIONSHIP KILLERS...Adversity, Incompatibility, and Deception.

Remember, the presence of the killers is not the problem.  The best relationships are not measured by the absence of these issues. The best relationships are measured by how well they navigate them. That’s where we come in...

The 3 LIES...

Happily Ever After. My One True Love. I Promise.

From a very early age, we have been taught that a fairytale relationship is the desired future dream. We were taught that things like “happily ever after” and “true love” were enough to overcome whatever comes our way, or even worse, that these things would prevent us from ever having to face difficulty in our own marriage. The problem is...THESE ARE LIES. They are well intentioned lies, but lies nonetheless.

The 3 MINDSET SHIFTS...

Define Purpose. Facilitate Understanding. Build Trust.

The antidote to adversity is taking time to DEFINE PURPOSE. We should know why we chose each other and we should revisit where we are going regularly.

The antidote to incompatibility is to FACILITATE UNDERSTANDING. “Facilitate” implies that the process of knowing and understanding each other is ongoing.

The antidote to deception is working to BUILD TRUST. Building trust takes continual honesty and transparency, as well as, grace when we get it wrong.

The Big Question Is...

How prepared are you to navigate the relationship killers in your relationship?  

LIE #1 | Happily Ever After

Mindset Shift - From Length to Meaning = DEFINE PURPOSE

What good is a long marriage if it’s terrible?

”Happily Ever After” focuses on the length of marriage and leads us to believing the myth that happy couples don’t have problems. If we shift our focus from length to meaning, then length becomes a byproduct of a healthy relationship.  The key to developing a meaningful marriage is to first define your purpose.

LIE #2 | My One True Love

Mindset Shift - From Finding to Knowing = FACILITATE UNDERSTANDING

Are you that good or just that lucky?

“My One True Love” focuses on our ability to find the “perfect person.” If we believe the myth that we are somehow that good or that the stars have somehow perfectly aligned, we will at some point be very disappointed when we realize our perfect person is anything but. If we shift our focus from finding the perfect person to focusing on really knowing our partner, we allow for giving and receiving understanding as our relationship grows. 

LIE #3 | I Promise

Mindset Shift - From an Event to a Journey = BUILD TRUST

Perfect Wedding Day = Perfect Marriage, Right?

“I Promise” is not enough. Unfortunately, focusing so much on “I do” tends to trick us into believing the myth that marriage as a one-time decision is enough. If we shift our focus to a journey full of daily choices rather than one choice that will last a lifetime, we not only actively build trust, we leave room for extending grace and restoring trust when things don’t go perfectly.

Your marriage is the most important relationship in your life! TMM can help you process your relationship mindset and beliefs to get on the same page and develop skills in managing the expectations that lead to a HEALTHY relationship. It is our goal to help more couples avoid divorce and experience a
MEANINGFUL MARRIAGE.

Click HERE to download our Relationship Discovery Guide for an opportunity to do a marriage health check-up and create a plan for having the marriage of your dreams.