Jul 23, 2021
If you're going to take a road trip there are 2 very important things to enter correctly into your GPS...where you are going and where you are starting. Once you know that, you can figure out all of the in between. Marriage is no different.
Let's assume a happy and healthy marriage is the desired end destination. The difficult part with the marriage "road trip" is evaluating where you are without emotion (especially if the starting point is a long way from the desired destination).
We believe assessments are a great way to identify a starting point without bringing up (another) fight about your relationship. But we have also found that people don't click on assessments....So let's take a quiz!!!
Take a look below to see all the different types and see how your relationship stacks up. Each type is unique in it's own way and all have clear options for improving or keeping your relationship healthy. More than one may resonate with you and some come and go based on the season of life you are in. Remember, knowing where you are starting from helps determine what path you need to take moving forward. We specialize in helping couples build their roadmap to a meaningful marriage.
In this type of relationship partners may talk about the weather, current events, and other surface topics, but seldom speak about personal issues, emotions, hopes, or wishes. Couples may feel they are living parallel lives; they enjoy that someone is there, but rarely connect in a satisfying way.
Things may appear fine, but there is something missing. Relationships are built on trust, and communication is the key to building trust. The good news is some simple tweaks can help you better engage and experience more meaning in your relationship.
TIP: Practice sharing your feelings with your partner. Begin building a habit of telling each other how you feel without a need for solution, and sharing what you're thinking beyond work, the weather, and whatever is on TV.
Couples in this type of relationship are geared to avoid conflict. The couple connects occasionally, but disconnect happens at any moment conflict appears. This is the kind of relationship where one person may say what the other one wants to hear simply to avoid conflict.
Things may appear fine, but there's likely things lurking below the surface. Often, people in this type of relationship spend countless sleepless nights wondering how to discuss difficult things, but never do. The good and the bad news is that your relationship is on the verge of both being great and being disastrous.
TIP: Take a risk and approach your partner with a concern or disagreement. Do so with a loving heart and intentions to improve and grow closer. Resist disconnecting to avoid conflict.
In this type of relationship communication is often open and honest. This couple can speak about a variety of issues with ease, ranging from very personal to impersonal. They are often very good friends. On the other hand, they may avoid deep emotional and physical intimacy, perhaps to the point of not being physically intimate at all.
Ultimately this is good a good place to be, however, be aware that one or both of you may have desires for a deeper connection either physically or spiritually. Based on the strength of your friendship, you can take some additional risks when it comes to going deeper.
TIP: Look for ways to engage in deeper conversations or engage in intimacy. The friendship upon which your relationship is built can get even better.
This is a relationship where communication is primarily about what's wrong. Attempts to communicate disintegrate into arguments. This is a relationship in crisis.
You may not be afraid to share your opinions and thoughts. However, the way you engage with one another can be damaging and lack understanding of differing perspectives.
TIP: Look for ways to see past the frustrating things your partner does and look for the positive reasons you fell in love. Hand out a compliment or two, and do your best to see your differences as complimentary rather than incompatible.
This is a relationship in which almost any topic can and is spoken about openly. This type of couple does not fear emotional or physical intimacy. The only tricky thing about being fully intimate is that it is often very difficult to maintain. Very few couples can be fully intimate all of the time.
Although it can be difficult to stay in this fully intimate state, you can continually evaluate the good, bad, and the ugly in order to never stray too far from the pinnacle of relationships. All relationships have seasons...if you find yourself drifting, acknowledge it and adjust.
TIP: It may seem counterintuitive, but spend time in conversation that is light hearted. Make room in your day to laugh and/or play a game together. Let your hair down and have some fun.
Remember, all relationships are unique. You don't have to wish you were more like anybody else. You just have to work on the relationship you have and make it the best it can be. Once you know where you are starting from, you can build a great plan to improve or maintain what you already have. If you "get lost" along the way, you can always revisit where you are, where you want to be, and then set a new plan for how to travel on this next part of your roadmap to a meaningful marriage.
This simple quiz can identify where you are starting from and give you some simple tips for improving and discussing your relationship with your significant other.
But...don't do it alone. We have helped 100s of couples in a variety of starting places plan and move toward their dream marriage.